If Only I Were Mayor Of La Puente
--I'd get to cut the ribbon at
all the new chop shops
--All closed session city council meetings would be held at
Miss Kitty’s
--I'd get an enchilada plate named after me at Boca del Rio
--Special mayor rates at all bail bonds offices.
--Hot tub parties with the mayor of industry
--The mayor-mobile would be slammed
--I'd get to do play by plays at the Friday Night Cock
Fights
--I know we don't need it but I'd get the city a submarine
anyway
--Whenever Salisbury steak is served at the city jail, I’m
first in line.
--Key parties at the mayor’s mansion
--My kids wouldn't have to go Workman High School
--The Mayor Pro Tem would have to press my slacks and fold
my silk boxers
--No more waiting in line for Chlamydia testing
--I'd get a second book for the library
--Industry may have an NFL team soon, but I’m bringing
professional sewer gator wrasslin to La Puente
--I’d declare July 15 to June 1 open season on mariachis
--When I fly in the Sherriff Chopper they'd have to call it
“Ghetto Bird One”
--I'd get hourly updates on Lindsey Lohan's lesbian status
--I'd create a budget surplus by serving Soylent Green in
school lunches
--Don't use your turn signal and I have you put away for 10
years
--Anyone on the city council disagrees with me, I get them
deported to Newfoundland
--All those guys who picked on me in high school, they're
all going to Gitmo
