Maybe Your New Girlfriend Has Done Hard Time?
--Her toothbrush doubles as a
shiv
--Lots of jumpsuits. Never skydives.
--She had her toilet moved to the middle of living room
--Insists dinner be served through mail slot
--Sex costs two packs of smokes
--Will only converse through plate glass window
--Refers to dates as conjugal visits
--She'll only leave home through a secret tunnel
--Keeps all her possessions in a manila envelope
--Has a freezer full of human heads
--Changed her middle name to 55689256
--Refers to going to bed as "lockdown"
--She's always critiquing the craftsmanship of license
plates
--Has Tawny Kitaen on speed dial
--Refers to housecleaning as "tossing the cell"
--Insists on sleeping in the lower bunk
--She gets a nostalgic look in her eyes whenever she passes
a highway work crew.
--Arguments always end with her threatening to lawyer up.
--During sex she keeps calling out, "Give it to me, warden."
--Her "high fashion ankle bracelet" keeps beeping
--She can bench-press 300 pounds
--She keeps mentioning Chino as a vacation destination
--She busts your nose when you try to take a bite off her
plate
