Why I Won't Invite Captain
Ahab
To Thanksgiving Dinner Any More
--He harpooned my aunt
--He ate all the white meat
--The family beaver kept gnawing on his leg
--When buying into the football pool, he suddenly had nothing but
doubloons
--He smelled like squid
--Every chance he gets, it's all about how he got screwed over by
Starbucks
--He complained about being seated next to Cap'n Crunch.
--He really sucked at the three legged race
--He woudn't help with the dishes because the kitchen isn't on the
starboard side
--He puts his elbows on the table
--After too many belts of cheap swill, he offered to show everyone
his blowhole
--All night long he was swearing at the fish tank
--He thinks it's funny when he says, "I gotta take a Pequod."
--He calls everyone Ishmael
