A wise man said, "A hungry vulture will not wait for its dinner to die."  Take a crack at that not-so-special someone you stopped calling last year.  Your standards should've dropped in that time, otherwise you wouldn't be reading your horoscope right now.

Avoid Thursdays entirely.

Take a reckoning of your life philosophy.  Maybe find a cult that's not hell-bent on suicide.  Slip it on. See how it fits. Or get some exercise and stop being so negative.