Try to imagine yourself as a superhero named after a bacteria.  Think of all the good you can do fighting crime as Paenibacillus borealis or Sphingomonas, using those confused and uncomfortable moments to whip out your pistol and deep-six that shoplifter.

You're almost guaranteed to find love this month.  However, how do you know it's real love?  You won't until that special someone sees you in a dirty diaper.

Write something in your own blood.  Buy a Hawaiian shirt.

There are other things you need to know.