"Marty.  You wanna buy some of that idiot berry juice they stick in wine bottles and charge you like forty bucks for it?  The stuff's supposed to cure warts or dementia or ball cancer or something.  I don't know.  It sounds like a scam to me, but my stupid kid's selling it so his marching band can go to Latvia and shine the fluorescent light of America on those poor saps."
--Curt C., Hollywood, CA