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Known throughout the Valley as "the man who brought cable
access to people who didn't want it," Ron Monson has been
a fixture on local television for nearly two decades. Viewers will
recognize him from various projects, including "The Shiny Ferret
Hour," "Cannibalism Today," "Amputee Bake-Off," and "Xtreme
Computer Fonts!!!!" He was honored with a parade by the National Council
Of Regional Councils for his groundbreaking "Go Coupons."
Back in 1984, Ron was expelled from a UFO cult for his radical views on mothership engineering. He soon fell in with a rogue group of former Disneyland employees who pedaled around Anaheim on their beach cruisers shouting things like "Knott's Berry Farm rocks!" or "Mice eat cheese, not people." But after receiving his third ticket for bike lane violations, Ron left the gang and moved in with his former high school English teacher. It was nearly six months before Ms. Robertson discovered him living in the tunnel beneath her home.
As part of his work-release program Ron earned his wages in the glamorous new studios at Chino Valley Television & Farm Supplies. He learned to operate all elements of a television studio, but it was when he was offered the on-camera part of Mistress Becky Of Soups on "Cooking For Goths" that Ron got the bug. It became his life's mission to be in front of the camera.
His first solo show "Chicks With Racks Like Beachballs" earned Ron the first of 14 FCC fines and the fastest cancellation (4 minutes) in cable history. Soon thereafter Ron was producing and appearing in at least three shows a year, many of which involved blow darts.
In late 2002, Ron felt his creative juices had dried up. He had done everything he could in front of a camera. So when he heard that Marty Shields, his good friend and former gymnastics mentor, was looking for a new camera operator, Ron came to the rescue.
Ron is a Virgo and an occult, pseudo-Jungian vegetarian. He lost his virginity in Wyoming to a woman distantly related to King George II. With his second wife, Ron developed a deadly new strain of streptococcus. He can bench 220 and squat 450. He met his third wife while undergoing a double hernia operation in Peru. He prefers fancy to hot pants. He butters his popcorn but not his toast. With funding from several charitable organizations, Ron is currently at work on a simpler, better shoe-tying knot. Finally, we do not think this is our Ron at this LINK.
