Camera
What more can we say about Julian Strickland that hasn't
already been said? Not much.
"Brilliant and savvy" raved Time Magazine.
"Amusing yet repulsive" said The New Yorker.
"Hotter than two sweaty poodles" gushed Cat Fancy.
For those unfamiliar with Julian Strickland's groundbreaking camera work we advise a crash course in animal documentaries and Latvian television.
Working under the name "Julian" his lens has introduced literally hundreds of animal tales of struggle and joy. Does anyone remember "Dolphins: The Next Saddam" or "Rappin' With The Antelopes" or "Julia Roberts Gets Eaten By Cheetahs" or "Hobo Slaughter"? Great stuff. His close-up angles for "Badgers Have Mommies Too" won awards on three continents.
But it was his steadicam acrobatics for "Giraffes: Nature's Long-Necked Killers" that won him the acclaim he so richly deserved. Soon, he was in Latvia working for popular TV shows including, "Viss notiek," "Melns uz balta," "Zootrops," and "Supersexy Friends."
Everything came to a screeching halt when Julian filmed a Latvian General below the belt (a capital crime) while he was making a guest appearance on "Supersexy Friends." The shot got Julian sentenced to death. It was only through the tireless behind-the-scenes negotiating of the Clinton Administration that Julian was freed and returned to the USA.
Disenchanted with the glitz and glamour of "the industry" Julian decided to put his talents to charity work. It was during this time that he happened across Marty Shields who was panhandling on Valley Blvd. Instead of giving Marty money (which everyone knew would be spent at the dog fights), Julian offered to help with Marty's show.
Soon, the raves were flooding in again: "Nine thumbs up" said the San Gabriel Valley Press.
"So good I want to become a woman," (allegedly) said alleged comedy/$10 whore impersonator (alleged) Jillian Barberie.
"Sell the kids and move to Hacienda Heights so you never miss an episode" wrote the Fontana City Council (we jest, of course, no one would ever want to leave Fontana).
Julian is a Capricorn. He won the California lottery in 1992 but lost his ticket. He chews his food 30 times. He rotates his tires seasonally. He once got so sick at McDonald's that he hallucinated a shotgun wedding with the Hamburgler's daughter. He has an unopened box of Count Chocula that is rumored to be worth $312. He finds Jillian Barberie neither titillating nor amusing.
So, if you're lonesome some Friday or Saturday night, turn on the TV and watch as Julian's fabulous camera work lulls you into a false sense of hope. We do.
