Marty's Corner Players
As a prank,
Texan Emily Jackson
entered the Iditarod with a team of Miniature Dachshunds. At
the starting line, a PETA observer cornered Emily and read her
the riot act. In fact, the PETA observer read the riot act so
well that Emily dropped her animal-cruelty ways, became a
vegan, and was convinced to appear in PETA's popular "I'd
rather go naked" campaign. Inevitably, that lead to Emily
traversing the country to compete in various state Miss Nude
contests (winner: Utah, Maine, Guam). During one of these
contests, she was thrown during the log-rolling competition
finals and drowned. For three minutes Emily was legally dead.
Once resuscitated, she
claimed to have seen a bright light and "the magnificent hand of
some godlike dude with a pinky ring," which she took as a sign
that she was destined for something else.
Religion? Humanitarian work? Cockswain?
No. Acting.
She moved to New York City and set her sites on the Broadway
stages. At her audition for "Titanic II: Riverboat Boogaloo:
The Musical" she drowned and was legally dead for four
minutes.
Emily returned home to Texas and started her own Improv
troupe, "The Steam-Powered Fun Factory Of Candy, Ennui &
Crocodiles." With their irreverent combination of dissection,
wordplay and burlesque, they quickly rose to prominence among
the thriving halfway house community. Many members of the
troupe went on to prominent roles in "Do You Know Who Packed
Your Parachute," "Bootyman Makes A Sandwich #4," "Get Your Own
Teeth, Grandma," and "World's Greatest Snowmobile
Decapitations."
Though stardom eluded Emily, she continued to hone her craft
and perfect her instrument with vigor. Soon, she was selling
smoked meat and managing her community's public theater. But,
Emily being Emily, it wasn't long before controversy struck
when her production of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" was shut down
due to violations of thirteen lewdness and decency laws.
Always on the lookout for lewdness and indecency, Marty's
Corner talent scout Jerry Renek dispatched himself to Texas
(official internal paperwork states, "testing quality of hard
shell tacos for future episodes") to interview Emily about a
position with the Marty's Corner Players. Initially reluctant
to relocate to California, Emily was convinced once she was shown
what she thought were several brilliant episodes of Marty's
Corner (but were, in fact, a crudely spliced mélange of
M*A*S*H, Xena, and the 1982 Winter Olympics giant slalom
finals). Contract signed, Emily was flown to California, set
up in the dormitory of a semi-respected Orange County
university, and ordered to go into character as a nice college
girl everyone admires and wants to cuddle.
As far as anyone knows, Emily has yet to appear as herself on
any episode of Marty's Corner. Yet, her reputation is one of
respect. The crew talks fondly of that girl who played
Audience Member #5 in episode 116. She is, so far, best
remembered as "that girl in the parking lot who ran away when
Chris forgot to put on his pants." Genius. Peachy.
Perspicacious. Marty's Corner choirmaster Curt Clendenin says
it best, "She's so good at disappearing into her characters,
I'm not even sure if she's here. Maybe she's me. Maybe she's
Scottish. Maybe I'm... Naw!"
Emily is a Scorpio. She swims under her own power and can play
guitar for real. Her Spanish got the crew out of a nasty
little situation in Tijuana. If she goes to a deli, she will
eat all the pickles if you let her. She can juggle
screwdrivers. She wants to travel to Italy and Venus. Her
Miniature Dachshunds have all found good homes, so calm down.
