Marty's Corner Players
When his doctorate entitled "She
Didn't Just Cut The Hair On Her Head: The Proto-Feminism Of
'Single White Female' " was rejected from the University Of
Northern South Dakota as "some kind of creepy,
potentially actionable,
bone-chilling, 1200 page love letter to Jennifer Jason Leigh,"
Curt Clendenin bolted the Badlands for sunny Seattle, where he
sold homemade vinegar to the members of Mudhoney (who
allegedly relabeled the bottles and sold them for hundred
of dollars to the members of Pearl Jam). After two
straight years waiting for the promised West Coast sunlight, Curt heard a
Beach Boys song and canoed to Santa Monica, surviving at sea
on a diet of otter and socks.
In classic Hollywood fashion, Curt was discovered while holding up a 7-11 and offered a guest spot on "Cops" (and later on "America's Most Wanted").
Following "a little time away from the business" Curt reappeared in the City Of Angels equipped with a teardrop tattoo and a deep love of "The Method." The acting gigs were hard to come by, and he was reduced to being a hired gun within the "Battle Of Wolf 359" reenactment crowd. He was, on the plus side of things, thrice voted "Best Gender-Specific Borg" at Star Trek Con (ironically losing all three times to Susan Lucci).
He honed his craft in these years by acting and directing in community theater productions of "The Seagull," "As You Like It," and his one-man "Starship Troopers."
In that transitional period he met the sixth love of his life, Bridget Fonda, who'd come across his unpublished doctorate that Joe Esterhas had turned into a Born Again shoot-em-up screenplay entitled "My Mamma Likes Chowder." During Curt & Bridget's first year of marriage, Curt was dropped into the ocean five times, had nine ribs broken, was set afire twice, had his brakes fail seven times and had his skull fractured. At that point Curt decided he could handle no more of these "accidents." Ms. Fonda agreed to the divorce on the condition that she be given a rifle and allowed one shot at Curt from 300 yards. Curt agreed.
Three years of physical therapy later, and Curt was back in action. On a dare from his social worker, he went to a low-budget movie audition in the bathroom of a Van Nuys El Pollo Loco and was discovered by John "Stunker" Garside who was casting a science fiction movie that was to be a cross between "Buck Rogers" and "Ordinary People" but with, as John states, "less angsty bowling murders and more surrealist tongue-kissing." Curt was cast in the lead role of a pair of pliers. Soon after, Disney threatened to pull funding if John didn't drop his metaphysical, Fellini-esque themes. So John sold out and rewrote the screenplay (with the aid of tall guy Colin Fleming and flashlight repairman Jerry Renek) as "Max Neptune & The Menacing Squid" (cumming to a Pussycat Theater near you soon!!!!)
What Curt hadn't noticed was the small-print in his "Max Neptune" contract that forces him to appear in 300 episodes of Marty's Corner, a duty that should be completed some time in 2043.
His most successful Marty's Corner characters so far include: the Lonesome Battery; The State Fair Sniper; child who dies in a toboggan accident; K57-87-LMC; Goiter Gary; and the guy who keeps trying to get free refills at Starbucks. Says Curt, "Marty's Corner is not the most shameful thing I've ever done, but it is the first time I've done anything this bad without a shiv at my throat."
Due to state-mandated budget cuts, Curt has no astrological sign (thanks, Arnold!). He's been off antacids for three years. He likes to be coddled but will be magnanimous if cookies are involved. He collects sippy cups and minute hands from clocks. He chases cats with balloons, feels guilty about it later, and puts aluminum foil on his feet and pretends he can't feel the floor until his feline victims giggle and forgive him.
